Happy 1st Birthday Max!

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy! You have been on the planet for one year today. I remember when you were born, just like it was yesterday. We started off your life in the NICU but you have proven to be the epitome of strength, resilience and joy. As I was feeling emotional this past week about your birthday coming up, I wrote this for you. I will write you a letter each birthday in hopes it brings you fond memories of many of the special moments and milestones in your life. We love you!

This weekend I'll be celebrating the one year birth day of my son. One year ago, I would have never imagined this moment. It'll be a special one. A one that reminds me of that moment-his birth-last year. No mother can ever imagine what that moment will feel like. Especially with a baby who is 2 months early.

This day, one year ago, was full of so many moments. Moments full of fear, uncertainty, anticipation, anger and guilt. I racked my brain wondering if there was a moment I did something wrong. Did I exercise too much, could I have eaten better, was I going to cause my son irreversible damage because of some life choice that I made in the 7 months leading up to this...one.... moment. 

So many moments. The moment when the nurse checking me said "Mrs. Shen, you're going to have a baby tonight." That moment. The one where my OBGYN tells me, "We don't know why this is happening but it is." That moment. The one where the NICU nurse is listing off possible complications to me and my husband while they inject steroids for the baby's lungs into my IV. That moment. When my husband is gripping my hand so hard as if to say, "Can we handle this?" That moment when my husband looks at me and we both have to trust we can. 

They tell me everything will be fine "most likely." That there was nothing different I could have done." My husband looks at me and says, "We got this. Our son will be well. I just know it." It is heart wrenching to think, for one moment, "Do they really believe what they're telling me?" In that moment, I have to will myself to believe.

The anticipation of the big moment. The clock. The doctors congratulating me for each minute I keep my baby in because his lungs can grow and his body can absorb nutrients that he needs.  The realization that these are the last few moments that I will be me, that we will be just "you and me."

The moment they break my water and say, "Ok, let's see what we've got. It's time to have your baby." The moment I realize I have no idea how to do this. The moment after moment during labor when all I can think is, "Will he cry? Please let him cry."  The last push. The last moment before he is in this world and we are called parents. 

That moment. His loud, healthy cry. His beautiful round face, his dark brown hair. The moment I first hold my new son to my chest and my heart explodes and I realize, "I can do this. We can do this. No matter what it takes."  Every moment leading up to this fades away and joy, protectiveness and hope fill my heart. The moment we first call you Maxwell John Shen. The moment when I realize I am so in love with you and I am even more in love with your father. You are and always will be worth every gut wrenching moment. You, my 32 week baby, are my best moment of all moments of every moment. 

Adios Summer!

Hey everyone! It's me again! I have been busy enjoying my summer so I haven't had time to write. I know I haven't been alive for all of the seasons yet but I sure do enjoy summer time! Mom and Dad both had time off of work to spend time as a family and it was really special. We did a lot of fun things and they keep saying it gave them a good amount of time to help with all of the new changes and routines that I bring into their lives.

Most of August included day trips, play dates, the beach and another nice visit from Grandma Metz.  I spent time with my girlfriend Ruby (I have several g-friends) and my best bud Henry. We had a nice few days on Hampton Beach with Kung Kung, Grammy, Aunt Sarah, Uncle Andy and my cousins. We enjoyed the sun and fun in the baby beach tent, ate some yummy seafood and enjoyed the boardwalk in the stroller. My cousin Nicholas is just one month ahead of me so I think we will be fast friends once we learn how to talk and walk and what the word 'friend' means. Mom and I also went to visit Aunt Ewood, Uncle Greggles and their kiddos on the Cape! Miles showed me how to play with trucks in the sand at a really pretty beach (I swear I wasn't napping through it!) and mom and Aunt EWood got to catch up on life. I think the beach will be even better next summer when I don't have to stay in the tent or under an umbrella the whole time! Mom, Dad and I ended the summer with a visit from Grandma who I just love so much and a nice day trip to George's Island where I had my first boat ride and soaked in the sea air.

 Cousins!

Boat Rides!

Dancing!

Hanging out!

Mom and Dad are back to work this month so I'll be going to Ms. Laura's 3 times a week. She is very sweet and I think all the other kids really like me. I have been showing them all of my new skillz like rolling, good head control, putting things in my mouth, grabbing and swatting at things and talking baby talk. This week, I found by foot and my chubby legs are super entertaining. I always hear Mom tell Dad I am growing up way too fast. Story of a parent's life!

Until next time....

MJS

Dear Max #6

Dear Max,

There are a lot of surprises that come along with having you in our lives. There are feelings I never expected and challenges and changes that come about. One of the surprises of having you in our lives has been the new, different and growing relationships that have come due to your birth. Whether it be with friends or family, relationships have changed due to your presence. My good friend, Kara, told me that when she had her son she felt her baby brought family members together and that babes breathe "love and life into families." I have seen this happen with our family as soon as you were born. It was as if we all had a bit of a new beginning. It makes me feel happy to see how happy you make your grandma and grandpa. You are their first grandchild and it is such a special relationship. There is such a bond and love already and I can't wait to see how your bond grows over time. I look forward to grandma making cookies and playing games with you and grandpa teaching you how to catch a fly ball or ride the lawnmower like they did for me growing up. I remember the love I felt for my Grambo growing up, as she was my only surviving grandparent, and I hope you have the bond and love with your 4 grandparents as you grow. You are blessed to have such great examples in your life.

You enjoyed your first vacation at Snyder Beach this past month. You got to take 'road trips' with Grandpa, had your first dip in Lake Erie, had many conversations and snuggles with Grandma and finally met Great Grambo for the first time. You got to meet some of mom and dad's friends from high school and our extended family in Silver Creek. You seemed at peace by the lake, had longer naps, and I have a feeling you will love your summer visits to Snyder Beach for quite some time. I know it is my favorite place, both because of the atmosphere and the memories. Maybe it will be one of yours too.

Love you MJS.

Summer Fun

Summer is finally here! And by this, I mean, both Mom and Dad are off and we get to spend time as a family. Mom and Dad are still doing some part time work but we get to do special things together and Dad gets to change as many dirty diapers as Mom does! It has been hot here in Boston but I think some sunshine has been helping me grow. Sunshine, love and milk! I get my four month vaccinations on Friday and I'll find out what I weigh then. Mom guesses I weigh 12 pounds but we will see. I am in 3 month clothes and my cheeks are those that can be compared to a chipmunk. Lots of people comment on their beauty. ;)

I have been learning new things in my Early Intervention appointments and am concentrating on getting more neck strength by doing tummy time and chest time with Mom and Dad. I've been enjoying my play mat more and am kicking my legs so much that I think I might be a soccer player or  a swimmer. Dad keeps saying I can be a punter in the NFL but I guess only time will tell! I wouldn't mind being on the Patriots and then I could get Dad front row seats and he would be in Heaven.

Mom is still doing her Mom's group and Dad just joined a Dad's group. We have gone on some picnics, lots of walks, visited my cousins and Grammy and Kung Kung and are about to embark on our first road trip to Snyder Beach to hang out with Grandma, Grandpa and Great Grambo for a week. I will also meet my Uncle Mark, Aunt Stacie and Aunt Abbey for the 1st time and lots of family friends from Silver Creek. It should be quite exciting! Grandpa can't wait for me to dip my toes in Lake Erie water and introduce me to all of his Snyder Beach neighbors. It'll be glorious.

Well, I'm off to run errands with Mom and Dad. Just a day in the life of MJS.

 Growing up

 Roof decks are nice!

I like my baby bjorn!

Dear Max #5

Dear Max,

Tonight I reread your blog from start to finish. I have to admit it made me cry just thinking about how hard it was to know you would come so early, wondering if you'd be ok and worrying that you would have to start your life in the NICU. There was such anxiety and fear about if I did something wrong in pregnancy, if you would develop properly, wondering if you would be healthy and when you could come home. But, as I read on, I also shed happy tears as I thought about how strong you were from the minute you were born, how much love radiated from our hearts the second you arrived in this world and how every single day, you bring us joy and pride and purpose like we have never felt before. I hope one day you can read this blog and it is a reminder of your strength from the very beginning and our love for you that will never end.

Hugs,

Mom and Dad

Double digits

Hi everyone,

I am getting bigger and bigger every day. I just had a doctor appointment and weighed in at 10 pounds, 6 ounces, 22 inches and a 38 cm head. I am in the 50-60th percentile at my adjusted age of 1.5 months so I am catching up to all my new baby friends like Scarlett and Ruby.  My early intervention worker also did another assessment on me and I have some new goals like opening my hands more, working on my neck strength and tracking things with my eyes. She will come see me every other week to see how I'm doing and Mom, Dad and I will practice these skills at home. These days I'm more awake during the day, I have real tears and a louder cry when I cry, I look at Mom and Dad and smile, I kick my legs and I try my best to make sounds. I really enjoy the outdoors and fresh air, I like riding in the car and the stroller, I love being sung too and when mom pretends to clap my hands together and says "Yaaaaaay!" She's very protective of me and kisses me A LOT. Probably a little too much but I won't tell her that until I'm in middle school.

I took my first ride on the T and bus and that was quite an adventure. I met my Aunt Megan who lives in NYC and she's super fun. I attended my friend's, Hillary and Oliver, baptism because Mom is Hillary's Godmother. That was fun for me but not so much fun for Dad whom I pooped all over and made a huge mess on his pants and in mine! My Grandma Metz also came to visit me last week and I really love her. She is very gentle and talks to me in a nice voice a lot. My Kung Kung and Grammy and Tia have also watched me so Mom and Dad can have more "adult time" and keep the romance alive. It's nice to have so many great people in my life.

My next big adventure will be an 8 hour car ride to Snyder Beach to see Grandma, Grandpa and finally meet my Great Grandma Fries! I hear she's a firecracker so we'll get along great. We both don't have any teeth these days so we will be kindred spirits together.

Until next time....

First Ride on the T

Trying to coo! 

Moving and Grooving

Hey, hey everyone!

I just wanted to say hello and let you all know I'm still here! I have been out and about with Mom a lot these days so she doesn't let me sit in front of the computer too much, especially on sunny days, which is why I don't write as many blog posts as I used to. I'm a man on the move these days. Well, not literally, but I have been getting out more on walks with Mom and Dad, visiting Mom's friends, enjoying my new playgroup (i.e. "Mom's group) and Mom just recently started using her BOB running stroller to get back into distance running. I enjoy it a lot and might actually add some posts about my adventures in my cool new ride. Maybe I'll call it, "The Adventures of Max and BOB." Mom really likes using it because we can be outside, she gets some exercise and she gets to hang out with me all at the same time. In fact, I heard her telling Dad that I actually inspire her on the runs. She thinks about all I went through in the NICU and how resilient I am and how strong I have been in just a few short months on earth and it makes her want to work harder and be better. She is always telling me that even though I'm very little, I'm a big inspiration to her. That's pretty cool.

I have a busy week ahead. I'm doing some more play groups, have my first early intervention appointment, the visiting nurse is coming to see me and I get to meet my Aunt EWoozy (Emily) and her kids.

 Enjoying the outdoor SOWA Market

View from our first adventure with BOB